National Domestigraphic

Exploring The Great Indoors

It’s my birthday, sort of.

Written By: alb3rt - Apr• 26•05

It was Ken’s birthday Saturday, and his aunt bought him some stuff for me (?). I’ll play show and tell with it all later, but have to tell you about the camera. It’s a stuffed camera. I explained to Ken that stuffed cameras only take pictures stuffed animals and some children can see, and perhaps Ken himself, but wouldn’t show up well on my internet journal. With a sigh he agreed to let me use his camera, so to make it all better, everyone pretend the photographs come from my camera when you see them.

Here’s me taking my first picture, of myself of course.

Photo of myself, by myself

Now I can explore about with impunity, except for the slightly larger midget wolf whom I am trying to avoid, just in case. I would feel safer if only I could observe it like Marlin Perkins from the safety of his helicopter. Aerial transport will have to be on my birthday list for next year.

I finally established a rapport with one of the cats today. He’s the only one that will talk to me. His name is Hastings, otherwise known as “Pudding.” He says he was here the longest and saw many creatures come and go. But mostly come.

Hastings Pudding

Here is a transcript of my interview, taken earlier today.

ND {National Domestigraphic reporter Alb3rt}: Good evening, sir.

Hastings: Hastings Pudding

ND: Uh, yes. How do you like life here in the preserve?

Hastings: There’s another way to live?

ND: Well, I see your point. How many smallcats do you think there are in the preserve?

Hastings: I dunno. A lot. There’s a new one that’s getting pretty big. His name is Joey Honey, but Ken calls him “Rat”.

ND: Do you all get along?

Hastings: They’ve attacked my face now and then over the years and the smaller ones try to bring me down by riding on my back sometimes, but we mostly just lick each other. Whatever. Morris Pie is the only one who regualrly has an attitude, when he’s hungry anyway.

ND: Did Ken and the warden ever try to pair you up with a stuffed animal?

Hastings: Eh?

ND: Nevermind. I see that you all seem to have foodstuffs for middle names. Hastings Pudding, Morris Pie, Joey Honey, and I heard there’s a Lydia Muffin and a Norah Peaches. Did you ever think maybe they’re raising you to be eaten?

Hastings: Like I care. Life is good. I’d still volunteer.

ND: So, any long-term plans then?

Hastings: Of course.

ND: Like what?

Hastings: More of the same.

ND: Meaning?

Hastings: Hastings Pudding

ND: Thank you for taking time out of your … schedule.

There you have it. My first interview. I think I deserve my little stuffed camera, thank you very much.

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2 Comments

  1. krissy_jhnsn says:

    Hi! It’s me. A friend from Virginia.
    Please send a very Happy Belated bithday to your owner for me. Boy, hes getting old huh?
    I am happy to report that that your interview made me laugh out loud for at least 10 minutes. I’m sure it was some sort of serious documentary, but it intended or not.. it made me crack up.
    Also, it would be so kind of you to send my love to mr. pudding please.
    ps. Nice hat.

    • Alb3rt says:

      Dear Virginia Belle,
      Well the interview didn’t go as expected. They never do I suppose. I will try to do better with some of the other creatures.
      Alb3rt
      P.S. Mr. Pudding sends his regards.

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