National Domestigraphic

Exploring The Great Indoors

Merry Christmas

Written By: alb3rt - Dec• 26•05

Boxing Day actually.

I spent Christmas Eve and Day comforting Fenway. Apparently, someone named “Damon” defected to a tribe known as the Damn Yankees. From what I gather they are native to New York, and we live in the outback of the western region of New York, but apparently this is still a bad thing. Something about the seventh sign and selling one’s soul through the process of a haircut.

I will never understand baseball.

comforting Fenway

On another note I bought the game warden a crate of oranges as a holiday gift. This seems to me like carrying coals to Newcastle but it was Ken’s idea and she was nonetheless delighted. Ken said he didn’t need anything as a gift and so I didn’t get him anything. I am never sure when to take humans at face value and when not to. Ken also said that I might get something when they celebrate “Little Christmas.” I’m not sure what that is but am sure I will find out soon enough.

Yet Another Little Couch Buddies Couch Adventure

Written By: alb3rt - Dec• 12•05

Another Little Couch Buddies Couch Cartoon

Extreme Indoor Weather

Written By: alb3rt - Nov• 30•05

I’ve experienced this a few times now and thought I should probably write about it.

There is a sudden vortex called a “vacuum” that persists for a few minutes throughout the living room and hallway and then is gone. The animals go wild but I am not sure if they sense it coming beforehand. They did make themselves scarce right as the howling began. Those who could not escape the region fled to higher ground or took cover behind furniture.

Ken says this is a somewhat seasonal phenomenon and to expect it to occur more frequently as we near the holidays. I asked him if it was dangerous and his response was more one of dislike. “Nothing to worry about really. It just sucks,” is all he said.

I will try to capture this on film but it appears and disappears so suddenly. It also tends to hit before people come to visit the preserve. Perhaps they are tracking the phenomenon. I don’t have the heart to tell them they just miss it every time by mere hours or even minutes.

Chinese Genetic Experiment

Written By: alb3rt - Nov• 15•05

I found out some disturbing news today. I asked Ken if the older midget wolf’s unusual physiognomy was due to random mutation or environmental adaptation. He gave me a full explanation which I will now attempt to summarize.

The older midget wolf was genetically bred by the Chinese for some kind of “Sheet Zoo” where they like their wolves to be really small, have pushed in faces and keep people’s laps warm. This experiment had been going on for centuries and no one knows why.

Perhaps we can extrapolate where they are going with these characteristics. My hypothesis is that they plan to corner an anticipated future market for live underwear that growls but fits in your pants without undue bulge. It would be ideal for arctic exploration, both keeping the groin warm while pulling your supplies in a jam. They wont eat much due to their size and their lack of snout and teeth will make them less of a danger in such sensitive body-proximity applications.

Midget Wolves - Underwear of the Future

Mind you I do not approve of tampering with mother nature, but you may want to consider investing heavily in the Chinese clothing industry while stock is still affordable. I for one would not wear such a thing but from experience I can tell you humans will do anything. And it will be a step up. No longer will fur be called murder, but merely well groomed lederhosen.

And I have the perfect slogan. But I expect royalties if they use it. Ready?

“Midget Wolf Undies – Man’s Best Friend”

And remember, you read it here first.

Wedding Recap

Written By: alb3rt - Nov• 04•05

I apparently slept through the last week more or less, and the last thing I remember was the wedding. And I leaned an important lesson at the wedding.

Chicks dig Koalas. Especially Koalas in a Tux.

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I sat at the head table, as Ken was the best man. I stood up as well. I think. During the ceremony, I was literally on the head table, as the ceremony and reception were at the same place.

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I felt comfortable in a chair, but Ken got me a “special chair” so I could see and reach everything better. I’m not sure why there were straps on the chair, but I was assured there was no plot to restrain me and they went unused.

Sometimes people don’t trust strange Koalas. But I was invited, so everyone seemed at ease about it. They didn’t even proof me. But there was no Guinness or some such other geographically appropriate beverage. I would tell you what brand it was, but I think I will hold out for sponsorship royalties.

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Now about the women.

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The bride showed enthusiastic appreciation I was there. I was even hired out to assist in the adjustment of some strange tourniquet device. It seemed more ornamental than functional. The bride did not seem to need any medical assistance and I am not a certified koala for such things. But I was polite and as helpful as a koala could be under the circumstances.

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In some strange tradition, the tourniquet was abandoned by catapult over the crowd. Ken hoisted me upon his shoulders in the hope that I would catch it. I believe it was an attempt to spare one or more people injury but I did not catch it and no one was hurt.

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But I was thoroughly koala-handled by the ladies, and some pictures I have omitted for various reasons.

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All and all it was an exhausting day. I felt the results of it quite harshly, and apparently the next morning found me fully clothed on Ken’s daughter’s bed. I have no explanation for the lampshade.

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Like Ken likes to say sometimes, life is good.

Invited to a Wedding? Me?

Written By: alb3rt - Oct• 29•05

I have just been informed that I am invited to the wedding of and .  Which is tomorrow.

Ken ) realized I had nothing to wear, and ran to the Build-a-Bear store late last night to buy me a tuxedo.  He even bought me shoes.  That is something I never wear, but for the formality of it all I will make an exception.  Pictures may follow.

{Edit: Photos can be found publicly on my Facebook HERE.}

Bears are like Jello

Written By: alb3rt - Oct• 19•05

Another addition to the family. His name is Snugggs. Yes it is spelled that way.

Snugggs

Out and About

Written By: alb3rt - Oct• 09•05

Today, Ken, the warden his wife, Fenway and I went to see a movie at the Walden Galleria Outpost. We saw Wallace and Grommit, and there was even a documentary on the holiday habits of penguins or something.

Candy Counter

Ken insists on taking pictures of me when we go places. If he remembers his camera. I really don’t mind.

Comfortable Theater Seating

Then went to the Build-a-Bear Fenway and I came from.

Build-a-Bear staff

It seems I was a bit of a celebrity at the store. They all wanted to see me, and I handed out business cards. They even took an instant picture with their own camera. Femway got new shoes. He needed sneakers and socks for the off-season whatever that means. I got a pair of binoculars. Unlike the stuffed camera, people can use them as real optical equipment. They will be very nice for observing the cats at a distance while they are eating ravenously.

All and all, it was good to get out and see the world a bit.

New Tagging Program

Written By: alb3rt - Oct• 02•05

It seems the warden has instituted a new tagging program. I know I am just a koala bear, but I don’t think it is effective to drape all the cats in the same checkerboard pumpkin bandadas and all the midget wolves with Snoopy bandanas. I cannot distinguish any demarkation between individuals of the same species.

Hurricane Katrina

Written By: alb3rt - Aug• 28•05

I think it already hit us Thursday and Friday. We must be near the coastline. All the contents of the kitchen shifted into the living room earlier, and now the doors on the cupboards are gone, as are all shelves, curtains and the like.

The cats have been relocated to the bathroom and/or bedroom while Ken already started with repair work. The first order of affairs seems to be painting everything remaining in the kitchen white, then yellow. Maybe this is a signal for help.

I will keep you posted. If things get worse, I will set up a relief fund. I wonder if they let Koalas use PayPal.

P.S. Why did they name the hurricane after the small rodent at our preserve? If they knew it would hit here, they should have given us more warning. Apparently, the field of meteorology has a long way to go.

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