National Domestigraphic

Exploring The Great Indoors

It’s my birthday, sort of.

Written By: alb3rt - Apr• 26•05

It was Ken’s birthday Saturday, and his aunt bought him some stuff for me (?). I’ll play show and tell with it all later, but have to tell you about the camera. It’s a stuffed camera. I explained to Ken that stuffed cameras only take pictures stuffed animals and some children can see, and perhaps Ken himself, but wouldn’t show up well on my internet journal. With a sigh he agreed to let me use his camera, so to make it all better, everyone pretend the photographs come from my camera when you see them.

Here’s me taking my first picture, of myself of course.

Photo of myself, by myself

Now I can explore about with impunity, except for the slightly larger midget wolf whom I am trying to avoid, just in case. I would feel safer if only I could observe it like Marlin Perkins from the safety of his helicopter. Aerial transport will have to be on my birthday list for next year.

I finally established a rapport with one of the cats today. He’s the only one that will talk to me. His name is Hastings, otherwise known as “Pudding.” He says he was here the longest and saw many creatures come and go. But mostly come.

Hastings Pudding

Here is a transcript of my interview, taken earlier today.

ND {National Domestigraphic reporter Alb3rt}: Good evening, sir.

Hastings: Hastings Pudding

ND: Uh, yes. How do you like life here in the preserve?

Hastings: There’s another way to live?

ND: Well, I see your point. How many smallcats do you think there are in the preserve?

Hastings: I dunno. A lot. There’s a new one that’s getting pretty big. His name is Joey Honey, but Ken calls him “Rat”.

ND: Do you all get along?

Hastings: They’ve attacked my face now and then over the years and the smaller ones try to bring me down by riding on my back sometimes, but we mostly just lick each other. Whatever. Morris Pie is the only one who regualrly has an attitude, when he’s hungry anyway.

ND: Did Ken and the warden ever try to pair you up with a stuffed animal?

Hastings: Eh?

ND: Nevermind. I see that you all seem to have foodstuffs for middle names. Hastings Pudding, Morris Pie, Joey Honey, and I heard there’s a Lydia Muffin and a Norah Peaches. Did you ever think maybe they’re raising you to be eaten?

Hastings: Like I care. Life is good. I’d still volunteer.

ND: So, any long-term plans then?

Hastings: Of course.

ND: Like what?

Hastings: More of the same.

ND: Meaning?

Hastings: Hastings Pudding

ND: Thank you for taking time out of your … schedule.

There you have it. My first interview. I think I deserve my little stuffed camera, thank you very much.

A New Chapter

Written By: alb3rt - Apr• 26•05

The last day of the human’s sabbatical was uneventful, and I resigned myself to a day of rest. However that did not prepare me for what was to occur when they returned. Today (or yesterday rather, as Ken would not surrender the computer to me until after midnight, being engaged in some riotous war simulation) the water foul returned. I got a beter look at it, but having no camera and being apprehensive to try and scan it, I recalled going through Ken’s photo archives on the house’s datawell (shared network file system) and found an image of a similar creature.

Water Fowl image from Ken's records

But the night they returned, Sunday, they brought with them a new, slightly larger midget wolf. At first I thought it was a replacement, but then the warden (Ken’s wife) brought the former midget wolf resident back to it’s home here. It was clearly not an effort at propogation, as they were both female. So to what motive?

A recurring uneasiness encroaches upon my soul when I see the new wolf. Below is a cropped image of the slightly larger midget wolf taken by Ken on his trip where he must have captured it. It looks strangely familiar, a bit like me actually, and I am sincerely hoping there aren’t any misplaced ideas about my participation in the restocking of the preserve.

slightly larger midget wolf

I know it sounds rediculous, as I am a koala bear, stuffed nonetheless, and it is clearly a midget wolf. But they are referring to the creature as a “pasha”, which I do not beleive is in any language a canine reference. As Ken regularly mis-identifies various smallcats as rats, I am hoping a pasha is not some sort of compatible companion attempt for myself.

I will be cautious. Or perhaps it is time to ask some of the others what is really going on in this unorthodox indoor wildlife preserve.

Fruit and more fruit. And then some more fruit.

Written By: alb3rt - Apr• 23•05

I had a busy day yesterday, and fell asleep at the keyboard late at night. For over two days, just as I would finish scaning samples of one group of flora, another would catch my eye. It started the other day with the discovery of what I call “ledgefruit.” High up on a ledge separating the kitchen from the hallway were various fruits, all of comparable size and maturity.

General Classification: Ledgefruit

After my climb to return them to their native spot, something sparkly caught my eye across the deep, narrow, high-walled chasm that is the kitchen hallway. These fruits were smaller than the ones I had just catalogued, and had a thin, rough, transparent reflective outer shell or surface. All that glitters isn’t gold. But gold isn’t tasty anyway. I call the general gouping of these specimens “sparklyfruit.”

General Classification: Sparklyfruit

Late yesterday, I travelled farther down the gorge of the hallway toward the entrance of the preserve. There I discovered even smaller fruits with both soft and hard variants. This was the final blow against my efforts to properly classify any individual fruit. Either there are many fruits of different colors and shapes that have forms suited to their environments in vitrue of their size and outer texture. or each environment produces variations of unrelated fruits that coincidntally resemble other fruits in other groups.

In the wee hours ...

Either way, days of careful and extensive observation have brought me to one conclusion: the dominant plant type in the indoor preserve is undoubtably fruits. When I stepped back and saw the forest for the trees, so to speak, I could see fruits all around me, even hanging in tendrils too high to take samples for scanning. The conditions for such flora must be more ideal here than anywhere else on earth.

Unexpected Inactivity

Written By: alb3rt - Apr• 21•05

I was going to write about some exciting botanical findings, but the sudden disappearance of the humans seems to have caused an unexpected dormancy in one of the more unique species in the preserve. In fact, they stopped moving long enough for me to do a capture, scan, and release on one of them.

I have not yet been able to apply a proper taxonimical classification to them, but they seem to be a single mating pair of flat, hard, migratory animals. I call them “Flat-roamers”.

Flat Roamer - flat and usually roaming

From previous experience, I have recreated their spottings and migratory patterns from memory. However, as seen in a recent picture of me by the posted map of the preserve, I was unable to correlate the map itself with landmarks you may recognize.

Useless Preserve Map

For example, “Mordor” seems to refer either the couch or the coat closet. Useless for my purposes, I decided to make my own far superior and accurate map.

In the wee hours ...

Note that they tend to linger on or near the couch, and apparently the humans prefer them there, for if they are not found there, a frantic search often commences with accompanied heated discussion.

Perhaps this is a futile effort to artificially create a static ecological condition in the micro-ecosystem instead of allowing natural drift toward environmental homeostatis. But then what do I know? I’m only a stuffed koala bear.

The Humans are Away, The Koala Will Play.

Written By: alb3rt - Apr• 20•05

Now that everyone is gone, I can get really down to work. As per my last entry, Ken and his wife are out of town and I am in charge.

I decided since I do not have a camera, I would learn how to use the next best thing. Behold the scanner of doom. I tried to call technical support for help to use the bloody thing, but they had a difficult time hearing me on the phone, me being a stuffed animal and all. So I did what most stuffed koalas would do. I figured it out for myself.

Myself - My first attempt at scaning

This was fortunate, as I was able to corner a very unusual creature and record its appearance in this manner. I call it an “Unknown Endodermic Organism” or UEO for short. It consists entirely of a thin membrane, and I have seen several of these since my arrival.

They seem to regularly exhibit a bizarre behavior of engulfing varous objects, mostly food, but not ingesting them noticably. The humans sometimes even force feed these creatures, but eventually they expulse the contents within their membrane willingly or by force, and do not seem to mind either way. In fact they seem to enjoy sitting inside baskets waiting for refuse to be tossed into them. Variously coloured in places on an overall tan, white, or translucent white, but hardly camoflauged, the humans fall for it every time.

Unknown Endodermic Organism

I found the one in the scan above on a table in the kitchen, but they tend to live communally in bunched up clumps. There are at least two colonies of them here at the preserve, one in a closet near the entrace and another close by on top of the fridge. The latter appear to be mostly jeuveniles, and are taken for walks by humans with the midget wolf but often do not return. Perhaps the wolf eats them, or they escape, or are released into the wild to form new colonies.

Tomorrow I hope to make notes on the overall flora, which caught my attention in the kitchen as being much more than I ever really noticed all the time I’ve lived here, albeit mostly on the couch.

If you talk to Ken, let him know all is well at the preserve.

Big Duties for a Small Mammal

Written By: alb3rt - Apr• 20•05

Still getting myself settled in with the ebb and flow of the preserve, trying to get “the big picture” before I write too much about details. Then all heck breaks loose and I’m told I’m in charge for a few days while the warden and her husband are out of town.

This will give me some time to think and observe.

In anticipation of leaving, the game warden took what I believe to be a live water foul from the kitchen out of the preserve in a carrying cage of some sort. Being the only avian I have found thus far, I do find it strange that such a bird would be in the kitchen, as I beleive the watering hole is in a much smaller room far from the kitchen. More on this oasis at another time, as it seems to be a major component of the small cats’ habitat.

Also leaving the preserve this evening was the midget wolf to which I had referred earlier.

Ken takes pictures of me (for which i am grateful), but refuses to take pictures for me on the grounds everyone he knows says he had taken too many pictures of the animals for himself over the years. I will have to ask him about these photographic records when he returns. In the meantime, and considering the possibility the wolf may not return, I have rendered a drawing of it from my recollections.

Midget Wolf - my rendering

On the other hand, these couple creatures might have been delegated to another facility for care while away. If they return, I will give a more detailed account later on their appearance and behaviours.

Day 2 – Distribution of Species

Written By: alb3rt - Apr• 19•05

In the wee hours ...

There is a reasonable diversity of species here at the indoor preserve, but the largest animal population by far are small cats. They are varied in size and coloration, but are all smaller than the big cats one would see on other continents.

There is even a variant of extremely small cat repeatedly misidentified by Ken as rats. I’m not sure how such a mistake could be made, but he insists even now he is right, refering to one that just jumped on his desk as a rat. This same one was heard being described as a Joey by the game warden (Ken’s wife) to contradict this statement, but I have not witnessed first-hand the marsupial tendecies she was speaking of when I inquired further.

Last evening, I decided to do a count of the small cats, which was interrupted by a frenzy of activity when Ken went about some business in the kitchen. This made the count difficult, and I fear a bit inaccurate from counting a few more than once, but my estimation is that there is a total of about 386 small cats of varying degrees of size, color, and blurriness among the rooms of the preserve.

Other than this, there is at least one rodent and one midget wolf. The latter I originally mistook as a fellow stuffed animal, but in spite of a regal attitude lacked any other accompanying stature of dignity, especially in the area of nasal hygiene etiquette. I need a camera … and a bath.

The journey begins, and yet I’m already there.

Written By: alb3rt - Apr• 18•05

Welcome to my LiveJournal.


I was created at the Build-a-Bear in a busy outpost called “The Galleria Mall” in the Cheektowaga region of the Buffalo Outback. That was a couple weeks ago, and was brought home to to what appears to be an indoor nature preserve. Flora, and in particular fauna, abound and seem to live in relative harmony. I got tired of sitting on the couch (as much as I like couches) and there’s lots of reading materials worthy of a Rockefeller library here, but I soon decided to take more active pursuits by studying this facinating micro-ecosystem.

This is where I’ll be recording my field research notes.

I discovered that my owner, the husband of the game warden, uses the Internet quite a lot, and so I asked him to hook me up with an email account and this journal. He says a few of the cats regularly use his wife’s laptop, and I could use this one.

I’m a koala bear, but I figure, hey, if the cats can use a computer, so can I.