I found out some disturbing news today. I asked Ken if the older midget wolf’s unusual physiognomy was due to random mutation or environmental adaptation. He gave me a full explanation which I will now attempt to summarize.

The older midget wolf was genetically bred by the Chinese for some kind of “Sheet Zoo” where they like their wolves to be really small, have pushed in faces and keep people’s laps warm. This experiment had been going on for centuries and no one knows why.

Perhaps we can extrapolate where they are going with these characteristics. My hypothesis is that they plan to corner an anticipated future market for live underwear that growls but fits in your pants without undue bulge. It would be ideal for arctic exploration, both keeping the groin warm while pulling your supplies in a jam. They wont eat much due to their size and their lack of snout and teeth will make them less of a danger in such sensitive body-proximity applications.

Mind you I do not approve of tampering with mother nature, but you may want to consider investing heavily in the Chinese clothing industry while stock is still affordable. I for one would not wear such a thing but from experience I can tell you humans will do anything. And it will be a step up. No longer will fur be called murder, but merely well groomed lederhosen.

And I have the perfect slogan. But I expect royalties if they use it. Ready?

“Midget Wolf Undies – Man’s Best Friend”

And remember, you read it here first.