National Domestigraphic

Exploring The Great Indoors

Alien Fruit Demise

Written By: alb3rt - Dec• 15•08

Sorry it’s been so long checking in, but it has been a long, confusing time. It seems like ages since the alien fruits first appeared. We do not know if they came in peace. We do not know if they came due to the game warden’s apparently interstellar reputation for collecting fruit. All we know is that they came. And they stayed. Sort of.

Pressed from inclement weather and a cold, slow persistence, they eventually made it into the house. But what happened next is unclear. Below is an archival image of me with their leader before what would be less-than-fruitful negotiations.

They did not respond to negotiations, but instead let us place them wherever we could find room. There were no objections or alien insurgency. They just sat there as if they had been casually stopping by on a yearly pilgrimage to distant relatives to share stories of the previous seasons.

Or perhaps at the moment of their victory, they were defeated by the most humble organism on Earth. I think that would be the sponge. Or maybe a peanut. But whatever it was, it may have been their undoing. Within weeks, they started to petrify, while others disappeared. The few remaining specimens now lay as decorative trophies for the genetic victors, or perhaps a monument and testament to the harshness of the exploration of space .


Written By: alb3rt - Nov• 07•08

I’ve been holed up here for a couple weeks now. They came, they saw, they came in the house. Their mind control powers must be the reason no one else seems to care. Like it’s natural for them to be here.

Let me start from the beginning, less than a moon cycle ago.

It was a dark and stormy night. Except it was daytime, so it wasn’t dark. And it wasn’t really that cloudy or raining or anything, so it wasn’t really stormy. Otherwise, it was just like that. And that’s when I first noticed them. Now I’ve seen a LOT of fruit in my time – trust me – but these weren’t fruit. It’s like they wanted you to BELIEVE they were fruit. And they surrounded the house. Ken didn’t seem to get the implications or urgency of this, but he DID show me how to use his camera for video recording.

He even helped me set up a video channel on The Internet so I can share this with you:

I’ll tell the world the rest shortly, when I can sneak away from their persistent presence. They seem to be everywhere now, inside and outside.

I heard they don’t like water.

They’re Getting Closer

Written By: alb3rt - Nov• 04•08

The recently discovered alien fruits are getting closer. And there are more of them.

Ken and the game warden are mysteriously unconcerned. I tried to talk to them about it but they had some cover story about what sounded like “guards” and something about a “bounty”. I think they’ve gotten to them with some sort of telepathic mind control.

But even though mind-controlled Ken found it amusing, his inner Ken must have broken through. At least long enough to give me helpful advice and a protective helmet from their mind control rays.

We can only hope and pray against the ill intentions of these inedible and bizarrely shaped sentinels of doom.

We’re Not Alone

Written By: alb3rt - Nov• 01•08

The footage I am about to show you may be shocking. It is real. I filmed it myself and survived to bring back these accounts.

It started like any other Autumn day. Except weird shapes were spotted on the perimeter of the property. I climbed up to a window to get a good view, staying in the shadows. As suspected, they were some kinds of fruits, but not any kind I had seen before. They were not oranges, apples, pears, berries, or even quasi-fruits like bananas or strawberries. They had a variety of strange markings yet had one thing in common.

They didn’t belong out there. Within the world of known fruit taxonomy, they should not exist. They must be from outer space.

Perhaps the Warden chose our new preserve unwisely, an interstellar landing strip from ancient times. Maybe we did something to attract attention from out there. Maybe we had the Telly too loud. I this isn’t a time for blame. Even if Ken talks a bit too much about SETI. And keeps a telescope in the attic in view of the window. And has a statue of Yoda in his room.

Okay. I lied.

Written By: alb3rt - Aug• 09•07

I was going to post every week but some things aren’t meant to be.  I have a lot of pictures and stories to share, and even an idea for a show.  But , alas, I am too busy negotiating time on the computer in the few hours I am not devoting to sleep or field research.  Mostly sleep.

Tomorrow morning, I am going to a business meeting with the Ken.  I think I am a consultant.  A very special type of consultant apparently called a “visual aide.”  Maybe he needs me to keep an eye on things while he talks or something like that.

{Edit: Photo from next day, with Ken and Alb3rt showing off his LiveJournal …}

Koala Back in Action

Written By: alb3rt - Apr• 15•07

Now that I’m 2 I decided to be more professionally responsible.  I’ll tell you all about my adventures on sabbatical these last few months, but after I get my new journal.  Hint-hint, Ken.

For now I will tell you about television.  The game warden and husband have taken to watching it now that they get more than local channels.  The Discovery Channel.  The Learning Channel.  The Science Channel.  Food Network.  It seems the world is now an oyster AND how to cook it.  The show “Planet Earth” is the best, but Prehistoric Park is a close second.  Maybe I’ll have my own show someday.  I think Ken’s new camera can do video now.  But I’ll save it for my new journal, hint-hint.

The Big Two

Written By: alb3rt - Apr• 12•07

As some of you know, today is my birthday. Game warden and husband, Fenway and I in tow, went to the Galleria outpost and ate at Jack Astors. They didn’t sing to me, but we had a good time. Ken even dressed up like me.

I have a picture, but the file upload thingee on Kenville.Net isn’t working so you just have to picture it.

I’m looking forward to the new journal Ken promised me. It should be much easier, and I plan to write more often. Maybe once a week or more. We have a lot of catching up to do, the world and I.

{Edit: Photos can be found publicly on Facebook HERE.}

Indoor Energy Dependency

Written By: alb3rt - Nov• 27•06

We had no electricity for almost two days.  After the radio stations came back online, they called it the “October Surprise.”  That was late last month, but now that I’m not worried it will go out at any moment, I’m writing about it here.

Things get weird when there’s no power. Here are excerpts from my notes and memory.

Hour 1: The humans paced a lot, then settled down. At first I thought it was panic, but then realised they had no screened things to distract. No telly, no computers. Maybe it’s their natural state to just stare at things.

Hour 2: Ken and the Warden started assigning each other various tasks to stay busy, mostly housekeeping. Kept them out of trouble, if that was the intention.

Hour 3: Ken took to reading from paper and writing with a pen. It was like watching an acolyte stretching to learn a lost craft.

Hour 4: Ken made a list of things he couldn’t do without electricity. He wouldn’t show me the list, but I’m sure it included playing Hobowars.

After that, it was mostly dark so I don’t know what happened.

The power came on late the next day. It was as if some divine power had played a bad practical joke, then yelled “Surprise! Just kidding!”

The neat things was how resilient nature was. The smallcats didn’t care. The aquatic life didn’t care. The fruit didn’t care. I know people worry about running our of fuels for their fossils or whatever. But sometimes I think that if the power just went dry, it wouldn’t be the end of the world at all. Just a lot of lists in pencil and chores to keep busy.

My Hero Forever …

Written By: alb3rt - Sep• 04•06

Steve Irwin, my hero
“I have no fear of losing my life. If I have to save a koala or a crocodile or a kangaroo or a snake, mate, I will save it.”Steve Irwin

I took off from my sabbatical to wirte this because it’s too important. I found out that Steve died today. He poked a lot of things and no one got hurt. Now something poked him and he’s gone. It doesn’t seem fair.

Requesat In Pace

Another Birthday Surprise

Written By: alb3rt - Apr• 25•06

Ken’s birthday is about a week after mine and his family from Las Vegas sent him a gift. And they sent ME a gift.

Gift Wrapped
Gift Opened

Ken got a Chinese outfit that his wife said he looked so good in he wasn’t allowed to have any pictures of him wearing it on the Internet. I don’t know if I will look that good, but now I have the urge to learn how to break something. Maybe Ken will teach me.